Fiesta friends vs. Real friends

The older you get, the less ‘close’ friends you seem to have. Over this past Labour Day weekend, I spent it in Las Vegas and San Diego with two of my closest friends. Although I only see them twice a year (max), I can confidently say that they will be right behind me the day that I walk down the aisle. Our time together is always a great reminder of what constitutes a solid friendship, and of how you maintain it as you each go through life at a different pace of personal growth:

1. Ability to call each other out
Well, the core of our bond with my friends is over the fact that we are all from immigrant parents who raised us with blunt honesty, so naturally this carried over to our friendship. With my friends, we tell each other the harsh truth even if it’s uncomfortable to hear, or may hurt in the moment, but in the end our love for each other allows us to know that the truth is needed.
2. Being real with each other
Trust in knowing that you can tell your friends about some of your deepest and most vulnerable secrets, without fearing being judged or rejected, is the most comforting feeling in the world. If you can’t be yourself it’s touch, especially when it’s a subject weighing heavily on your heart, that’s why being able to keep it real with your friends is so important.
3. Being there for you at your lowest
Like my mom always told me ‘being there for people when they’re doing well, is easy. Being there for people when times are rough, now that’s loyalty’. The ability to know that someone will be there for you through thick and thin, and that you have a shoulder to cry on, that’s really beautiful.
4. Being each other’s number 1 cheerleader

I really believe that what kills most friendships is jealousy. Humans love to compete with each other. I don’t want to make excuses and say that it’s because of our natural instinct (i.e. survival of the fittest), but we seem to naturally compare ourselves to others. Especially in this day and age of social media, comparing ourselves to other people’s projected happiness is what we’ve become good at, so it seems very hard for people to be naturally confident in themselves and rejoice in the victories of others. With my friends, I can confidently say that when one succeeds, we all succeed; when one falls, we all mourn.

Having a good core group of friends is so important, especially as we get older. But to have such friendships that are not just there to party (‘fiesta’), it is important to have a higher level of self-awareness and keep not only yourself in check, but also those around you.

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